An open letter to the all the aunties who want to know when I am having a baby

I recently came across a blog post where the author says:

I’m 25. I’m a girl. I’m Indian.If you’re an Indian girl above 21 with female body parts; I’m sure by now you have already heard this ‘cute’ question a million times, “When are you getting married?”.

And I replied her saying:

"Hello! I’m 28. I’m a girl. I’m Indian. And I'm married.
If you are 20+ and married and just because aunts cannot ask you the “When are you getting married?” question anymore, they shift focus to “When are you having the kid?” question. It doesnt stop there and simply calls for another blog post. :)


Seriously! Does this ever stop? Annoying aunts and their equally annoying questions.  The 'real' me cannot give in-your-face kind of an answer and i just smile, avoid the topic and try to avoid that person for God knows as long as possible. Hence the virtual me decided on giving an answer to all the aunties across the globe pestering young women with their stupid question.

Dear Aunties ,

Trust you are all doing good and life is very very lively with itchy-bitchy gossip. Yeah, your grand kid is so very cute and naughty and stubborn and cries to have his way. How very nice and disciplined.

Thank you for all the concern you have on my life and well being. I appreciate that. First, you wanted to know when I will get married. And now when I will have my baby. And next it will be when will the second child come? Does it ever stop?

Thank you for asking if all is well with me. But trust me, aunty, all is really well. No, I dont need your gynec's number , really, believe me, I am very very capable of motherhood and it is just that it totally is my decision when I want to have and No, aunty, you sharing her number will not influence my decision in any way.

Yes, I agree your daughter did a brilliant job of having her first kid at 23 and the second one at 25 and is enjoying her life now. I admire her planning and conceptualization, but, there are women like me who were busy studying at 23 to get University degrees and saving the world at 25 by designing water & wastewater treatment plants. Aiyo just imagine, what would have happened if the waste disposal systems did not function properly and the entire country got flooded with all the bacteria and heavy metals from  waste and  if the contamination and pathogens caused mutations that brought changes to women and their conceiving patterns and if none of the women were able to make babies at 23!! Gosh! You should thank us late-bearers for saving the world, aunty ji.

Yes, aunty, I am a woman. But just because I have a uterus and ovaries it doesnt mean that I have been brought into this world with the sole purpose of creating progeny. Fortunately, my life has several other purposes which need to be fulfilled at the moment. 

I hate it every time you tell me " Have a baby and give him/her to your Mother and you enjoy. She will also not get bored." May I with all respect ask you if my mother complained of boredom to you? My mother has her own life playing candy crush on her ipad, watching videos on youtube of recipes to make yummy soups and most importantly, is done with her share of struggles and enjoying her life now. And why will I bear a baby if I cannot take care of it, nurture the lil one and make him/her a wonderful human being? The whole process is a sacred experience and It definitely is not a thing that you do to mark it off the to-do list.

Please, it is embarrassing for me. I am sure it will be for you if I question you about your menopause. Leave alone menopause, have I ever questioned you as to why your 30 year old son is still dependent on you or why your daughter seems to only know which kind of dal goes into which curry ? Also, please understand that it is not a topic of discussion like world peace or war in Sudan or malnutrition in Africa . It is an extremely intimate and personal issue. My body knows when the right time is for me to have a baby. Neither did God create me with a manual  and nor have I come across  'The Constitution for governing women'  prescribing certain times and actions for having babies.

Do you know tempted I am to reply your question with more questions like "Oh! How do you make babies?" or "I want a daughter. Please tell me which position did you try to have a daughter" just to embarrass the shit out of you.  A lot of women have babies in late twenties.. And they have healthy babies. Aishwarya Rai had a baby in her late thirties. There is nothing wrong with it. Its a personal choice. And it is different for every couple. Motherhood and Parenthood is for the couple to enjoy. It is not a criteria to satisfy the norms of the society.

Hope you understand. Long live democracy!

Yours truly,
AS...






Comments

Soumya said…
"Please, it is embarrassing for me. I am sure it will be for if I question you about your menopause." .. Haha! I laughed out loud at this! :P .. When I am my office! ;) .. Good Answer! :D
Srini Hyd said…
Excellent...It is an eye opener for them who alway worry about others personal life....Appreciate your patience in writing this article.
aditi said…
bit harsh, dude. Aunties are also people, y'know. They're just trying to be nice. Yes, its all very well that you are so educated and hardworking and basically, SO much smarter than them. But please do remember that they too are struggling to understand you. They come from a different world view, and lifestyle. Easy to mock them, harder to see where they are coming from.
AS... said…
Maybe you havent experienced an annoying aunt slipping her gynecs number into your hand?

And a lot many other things.

:)

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